


If Only From Afar

by LadyRhi



Series: ASTOS Specials [1]
Category: Reylo - Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: ASTOS Side Story, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Devoted Reylo, Emotional Intimacy, Explicit Language, F/M, Forbidden Love, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Impending fatherhood, POV Ben Solo, Pining, Poor Dopheld Mitaka, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Pregnancy, Pregnancy Cravings, Protective Ben Solo, Romance, Romantic Soulmates, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:02:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26585569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyRhi/pseuds/LadyRhi
Summary: Forced to endure ongoing separation from the woman he loves, Ben Solo lives his unfulfilling life as Supreme Leader of the First Order, finding solace only when he turns his mind to that radiant star shining out to him from across the endless systems. Rey is his guiding light, his balance...and the mother of his unborn child. Together, they have discovered something they'd both lived without for far too long, and it is that which strengthens him to continue on along the path fate has led them both to tread.Reaching for her and sensing that something is wrong...wait. No, notwrong,exactly. It's more of an urge? A craving! Grasping what it is that's bothering Rey, Ben silently promises he'll get her what she needs.But what will satisfy her hankering for something sweet?~ An ASTOS Special Story ~
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: ASTOS Specials [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2010016
Comments: 12
Kudos: 66





	If Only From Afar

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is part of a larger story, though not an official chapter of _[As Stars Through Our Souls](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24542773/chapters/59262064)_. It takes place just before the events of Chapter X: Like Strands of Starlight.
> 
> Many, much, most thanks to [MyJediLife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife/pseuds/MyJediLife) for taking the bonk-stick to my unruly commas!
> 
> [ASTOS Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLErgijixT3gWNKruxoIRuaRBHcaKtb3vh)
> 
> Much love! ♥

The scream of the twin ion engines filled the hangar as he tore through the open bay doors of the _Steadfast_ , and Ben set the TIE down with effortless precision. Frowning at the dash, he noted the readings he'd been monitoring when he'd thrown the ship into top velocity. All things considered, he was confident in the capabilities of this latest prototype, but there was always room to push for more.

In truth, Ben was never fully satisfied with any of his ships, and he doubted he ever would be. The First Order's engineers certainly didn't believe so, he suspected with sardonic humor. It dissipated quickly, however, his habitual somber brood settling back into place in the lines of his face.

Test flying the TIEs helped…somewhat. When he was tearing through space, pushing a fighter to the absolute limit of its overclocked thrusters, feeling the way its engines strained to break past it, Ben was able to let go of the restraints he kept on his pent-up emotions. He vented them on the modified boosters, scoring his frustration and anguish into the dark vastness where only the stars could witness his torment.

Flicking the controls to power down the ship, he sat back into the leather of his seat and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath, yanking hard on his chaotic feelings and shoving them away. It wouldn't help much because Ben had never been able to really keep what he felt from rising back up to the surface, however hard he tried.

_That's what the mask is for, anyway,_ he thought to himself, working the muscles of his jaw as he tried not to recall the expression in Rey's hazel eyes when she'd realized he'd had it reconstructed. That look haunted him every time he pulled the heavy helm down over his head, locking himself and his emotions away. It was enough to make him want to ignite his lightsaber and wreck something as he would have once, unleashing the pain it caused him in violent fury to try and alleviate the unendurable ache of it.

Force, what he wouldn't give for the day to come when he would finally stop hurting her.

Ben released a deep sigh and rubbed his forehead wearily. It did no good to lose himself in his regrets. There were far too many weighing on his soul and recounting them only made it easier to despise himself, a life-long habit that he started to slip back into the longer the time between chances to hold Rey stretched.

_You make it all bearable just by being out there, loving me._

Ben remembered the way Rey had kissed him, moving in closer on the pillow, the gentle swell of her belly pressed against him. For all that she said he made things easier, what little he was able to offer her was nothing compared to what having her in his life meant to him. Knowing that she inexplicably returned the intense love he felt had saved him from the path of self-destruction he'd been on before she’d let him into her heart.

Needing just one more thing to calm him enough to face the prison he'd made for himself beyond the hatch of his cockpit, Ben cast his mind towards the shining beacon of Light off in the far distance.

Rey saw him as a star in her mind, one that lit her way through the galaxy and this strange life they shared in an impossible and miraculous way that he thanked the Force for. She'd wondered to herself once whether he thought of her the same way, her silent musings coming to him through the Bond as easily as though she whispered them in his ear. He'd told her that he did, thinking her description so perfect for what he saw when he turned to look for her. 

Rey was the glittering center of his whole universe.

Daring to stretch a bit further, just barely brushing along the edge of her consciousness, Ben felt his muscles uncoil at the reassuring proximity. It wasn't enough—it could never be—but even this slight contact with his Force-mate helped to soothe him. He had to be careful how often he did this. Ben abstained entirely if one of his Knights was close enough that their weak Force sensitivity might pick up on the fibers of fate which reached far across the systems to tie their Master to a pretty, young Light Sider.

Rey was occupied, talking with someone, and he was circumspect in holding himself back enough from her awareness to prevent himself from hearing what was said. Their connection had grown exponentially since they’d accepted it, and he continued to be amazed by the ways in which the threads tying their lives together could be manipulated. This was but the most recent ability that seemed to have developed between their linked minds. He'd agreed never to take advantage of their relationship to gain intelligence on the Resistance, however, and though it could so easily help him put a swift end to this karking war that kept her from him, Ben respected the boundary. She was too distracted to notice his unobtrusive presence, but he deliberately turned his focus away all the same.

He began to cautiously sense for her wellbeing. Rey would give him a hard time about it if she caught him, but he didn't feel the slightest hint of remorse when it came to making sure she was all right. Besides, he’d caught the fleeting brush of her mind doing the same to him more than once. Immediately, he noted that there was a distinct source of discomfort bothering Rey. Aiming his mind at it in concern, Ben tried to determine what was wrong. He relaxed when he realized that Rey wasn't unwell or in any pain—just itchy. The soft skin of her belly was beginning to tingle annoyingly with its gradual stretch over her growing bump.

Then something else caught his attention, and though it took him a moment to understand the impulse that seemed to nag at her incessantly, Ben smiled slightly when he figured out what it was. Not only was Rey having to resist scratching her skin off, but she was struggling with a constant craving that she seemed to be unable to satisfy. She wanted something sweet, but the candies and tinned cake her friends had tried giving her didn't appeal. Her years of eating flavorless protein portions had left her without much of a taste for strong flavors, he gathered.

Tapping his fingers against his armrest, Ben gave it some thought. Sweet, but not _too_ sweet, and ideally something that would be healthy, given her condition. Then an idea occurred to him.

_It’s all right, Sweetheart,_ he thought, careful not to let it carry along the Bond to distract her. _I'll get you what you need._

Basking for a few more moments in that beautiful luminosity that never failed to entice him, even at his Darkest, Ben finally managed to find his center. Then he pulled back from Rey's mind with regret, opening his eyes. He reached for the compartment behind his seat and took out his helmet, hiding himself and his vulnerabilities away behind the chrome visor.

His men and the waiting engineers saluted then stood at attention as Kylo Ren descended from the sleek TIE Whisper. Reaching them, he beckoned sharply for the Lead Engineer.

"An improvement," he said shortly, passing judgment on the upgrades he'd specified after the last time he'd taken it out for a test flight. "The rear thrusters balked at peak, though, and it would be impossible to maneuver into a turn without tearing the ship apart."

"Apologies, Supreme Leader," the engineer said, waving his team towards the TIE to start pulling it to pieces again. "We will ensure the thrusters maintain the necessary power to hold stability next time."

"You will." The words weren't spoken loudly or with much of the heat Kylo was infamous for, but the mechanical tone of his voice modulator lent them an inherent threat which had the Lead Engineer shifting his feet as though he'd very much like to back away. Fortunately for the nervous officer, Ben was done with him. 

His long, black cloak flaring about him as he turned, he left the hangar and made for his office. Stormtroopers, officers, and crewmen alike all melted out of his way when they spotted the heavy gait of the ruler of the First Order headed in their direction. They feared him, and he knew that more than a few despised him. He didn't care, though. There was only one person in the galaxy whose good opinion he desired, and the fear served to keep his subordinates in-line. It had been especially important to take a firmer grip on the reins of power after his extended absence while hunting for answers on Mustafar, leading certain generals to think they could get away with overstepping the mark.

Glancing to the side, he saw the way General Quinn, one of Hux's staunchest supporters, turned pale as he passed. Yes, fear helped considerably.

Ben's office sat adjacent to his throne room. He made use of the imposing display of dominance the grand wall hangings and massive carved seat created when dealing with captured prisoners, petitioners, and his generals—he only ever met with Hux while seated on his throne, much to the general's indignation. He disregarded the uncomfortable seat on the black durasteel dais now, however. He was no Snoke, leaning on empty symbols of power, even when there was no one but his Praetorians there to care. Besides, the officer he summoned didn't require much of a show to be intimidated, and frankly, Ben didn't want to have to go to the trouble of selecting a new aide if Lieutenant Mitaka's heart gave out on him.

The lieutenant arrived, stepping cautiously across the room to give a salute, datapad tucked under one arm in readiness for his Leader's bidding. As he lowered his arm, Ben noted that Mitaka was gripping his fists tightly so as not to let them tremble. The man wasn't exactly cut-out for military command, but his quaking respect for the Supreme Leader ensured he wouldn't dare betray any secrets. With so much at stake, that was a discretion Ben depended upon.

"What fruits are currently stocked aboard the _Steadfast?"_ he asked abruptly, unconcerned by how bizarre the question would seem. In response, his aide stared at him in bewilderment for a beat before realizing his mouth was hanging open.

"F-fruits, Supreme Leader?" the lieutenant stuttered uncertainly. "Fruits. Ah…yes. Would it be fresh fruit or d-dried?"

"Fresh," Ben told him shortly.

The datapad was pulled out and Mitaka spent a few moments tapping on the screen before he efficiently pulled up the storeroom listing. The tick beneath his eye was firing, but all things considered, Ben gauged the lieutenant was settling into his new role rather well.

"There are crates of pikas and bliccis currently onboard, Supreme Leader," Mitaka informed him, managing to get the words out without too much of a nervous tremor this time.

"No," Ben muttered to himself. "Too sweet."

"Supreme Leader?" Mitaka inquired, eyebrows drawing together. He started to fiddle with the edge of his datapad worriedly.

"Nothing," Ben dismissed the question. "Isn't there anything else?"

"I-I, uh," the aide stammered, the tips of his ears reddening while his eyes skittered over the screen frantically. "Ah, um. Yes! Yes, there are Mandalorian oranges and a crate of apples that are kept in reserve, in the eventuality the stock of fresh fruit runs low on extended voyages."

"The apples," Ben said, dismissing the oranges immediately. "Where are they from?"

There were practically as many varieties of apples throughout the galaxy as there were viable systems. Many were known for their over-rich flavors, but some could be milder. It all depended on what kind they were.

Mitaka's shaking finger tapped at the glass screen again, pulling up the information on the store room in question. The lieutenant's throat bobbed uncomfortably while it took a bit longer than usual for the listing to load. Tiny beads of sweat glistened on the young man's forehead as the seconds seemed to stretch on painfully at the mercy of technology's caprice.

Ben just waited. Unmoving. Staring at the officer through his dark mask—watching him squirm.

Finally, the necessary screen loaded in and his aide released an audible breath of relief.

_All too easy, this one,_ he thought with dry amusement.

"Corellia, sir…a-ah…S-supreme Leader," Mitaka managed to get out.

_Corellian apples, hm? Those should do,_ he thought, rather pleased on the whole. They weren't anything special, but they had a mildly sweet flavor with a cool crispness he thought his Jakku-raised spitfire would enjoy.

"Have some delivered to my personal quarters, and make certain they've not gone off," Ben ordered.

"At once. Will there be anything else, Supreme Leader?" Mitaka inquired a little hoarsely, clearly eager to escape the unseen, but menacing gaze of Kylo Ren.

Ben was about to dismiss the man, but then something occurred to him. Remembering Rey's discomfort, he thought back to one of the tabs he’d saved in his datapad. He held out his gloved hand, indicating the one Mitaka held. Taking it, Ben pulled up the shipping manifests for freighters scheduled to go out to First Order bases in the Outer Rim, selecting one for the newly-placed outpost on Agamar.

_An easy jump from the Cademimu Sector,_ he estimated with a smugness he knew Rey would roll her eyes at, probably muttering something about him being _insufferable_ under her breath.

Ben quickly double-checked that the base's guard schedule was one of the ones that had been illicitly altered, confirming it would be a target the Resistance were guided to plunder by their informant. The muscles in his jaw rolled in fury, but he held his ire at the situation in check, forcing himself to be patient. After adding a thing or two to the list of supplies to be delivered to the Outer Rim, Ben closed the manifest and passed the datapad back to his aide.

"That will be all," he dismissed Mitaka, who turned away with a look of such gratitude on his face that Ben almost snorted in amusement. Then he raised his gloved hand, pointing it towards the retreating uniform and pushed subtly at the lieutenant's mind. Ben planted the suggestion that the Supreme Leader's sudden taste for fruit wasn't especially notable, nor were the additions to the cargo ship that would be loaded up this evening, bound for Agamar. Some of the officers posted there had families. The additional supplies were surely just special requests from an anxious father-to-be.

_True enough, after all,_ Ben mused ironically.

One of the main benefits of having Mitaka as his aide was that the lieutenant was often too panic-stricken by having to stand in Kylo Ren's presence to notice when his thoughts were given a bit of a nudge. Ben had to be careful about it, using a deft hand so as not to be noticed, but he'd found it easier to achieve a more delicate touch since Rey had come back into his life. She steadied him, helped ease the tension that often pushed him to take things too far.

Rey made… _everything_ …better.

He'd managed to find a measure of equilibrium within his own head he'd never achieved before. It wasn't true peace, mind. Ben resented her decision to remain with the Resistance and it was a constant source of rancor that he couldn't conquer. Though he grudgingly agreed with her reasoning, it grated on his pride that the underlying cause was his inability to protect her, and that he was thus forced to rely on her rebel friends to do it for him.

Not that Rey wasn’t perfectly capable of defending herself when it came to a fight—the sight of her with the glowing brand of his grandfather’s lightsaber in her hand was an image that sent liquid fire through his veins. However, as formidable and courageous as she was, she was still just one woman, and neither of them could stand against an army like the First Order alone. Sooner or later, someone would have found a way to harm her, had she agreed to come to him.

And now, with so much more at stake...

Ben let out a harsh sound, annoyed with himself. It was tearing him apart, not being able to be with the woman he loved while his child grew inside her. For all his power and the dominion he now held, it was hollow without her. Their circumstances rankled, but if he could make even a minute in her day a little easier to bear, maybe even bring out that smile full of sunshine that utterly captivated him, then he could endure anything.

Huffing quietly, he shook his head at himself. To think that the feisty would-be Jedi who'd slashed his face open would so fundamentally change him.

As the son of the two most romantic heroes of the Galactic Civil War, Ben had been a fascination to some, especially social climbers. It hadn’t been for his looks—certainly not as a gawky teenager—but for his name. No dignitary’s wife or ambassador’s attaché could deceive him, not with the way he could hear every venomous thought about his face or awkward manner that passed through their vapid minds. Rutting them to their knees on the floor had felt something like revenge against those who’d mocked him even as they’d tried to use him. 

None of the women he'd ever spoken to, or touched, or fucked had mattered.

Once he’d taken on the mantle of Kylo Ren and assumed the status of Snoke’s apprentice, there’d been less time to fraternize. What little opportunity there’d been, however, he’d never felt inclined to take advantage of. He’d sworn never to put his faith in anyone after the last member of his family he’d tried to entrust his affection to had taught him that to believe was foolish. He hadn’t felt even the slightest temptation to allow anyone so close again.

Gloved, cloaked, and masked, he’d sealed himself away, unavailable and unattainable. Unassailable.

Until Rey.

With her, Ben had discovered what it was to see your truest self within the eyes of another. He'd found, in the woman he'd been helplessly drawn to even before he'd seen her for the first time, a bright font of Light that called to and balanced the Darkness within him. She accepted him for what he was, both in spite of and because of it. Rey longed for Ben Solo, but embraced Kylo Ren as well. It wasn't easy on her—it wasn't easy on either of them. Yet, the balance they somehow found together was worth so much more than the discomfort of knowing there would be times that their natures clashed. 

Nothing was perfect. No one in the galaxy knew that truth better than he did, but being with Rey was closer than he could ever have imagined it could be.

Rey was his miracle. He didn't deserve her, wasn't capable of emulating the endless compassion and generosity of spirit that came as naturally to her as breathing. Yet, when she looked at him, he felt a kind of peace and purpose he'd never known in the nearly thirty years he'd endured without her.

Ben shifted uncomfortably, feeling his body stir at the thought of Rey's beautiful smile, his rising erection beginning to press uncomfortably against the restrictive fabric of his trousers. He sighed, agitated. Glancing towards his desk, he considered settling himself in the chair behind it and jerking his need out in a quick release that he knew would taste bitter both during and after.

He turned away, uninterested. This had been the way of it for months now. Gradually, after Ben had found the heaven of Rey's body, he'd grown less and less satisfied by the pale approximation of gratification his own fist could provide.

He just wanted his Force-mate so much—the ecstasy her lush heat would bring as her delicate muscles embraced his hard length, but also the simple contentment of lying with her in his arms. The way starlight seemed to dance through the fine designs of her eyes when she smiled as he leaned in to kiss her was more transcendent than any purely physical climax.

Breathing deeply, Ben fought himself. His teeth ground together as frustration and the resurgent despair over the circumstances that kept her from him slowly started to ease the tension in his trousers, arousal slipping away.

The bitterness of it filled him, all the same.

Throwing his hand out, Ben thrust his will into a heated lash of Dark energy, and sent both desk and chair hurtling across the room. They broke satisfyingly, wrecking the display case of holocrons they careened into and smashing the mirror above it.

Ben looked at his half made up reflection from across the room. His masked visage appeared even more grotesquely fractured beyond the red-veined seams that had pieced the helm back together. It was a fitting tribute to the state of his soul, bereft of she who made him whole.

The leather of his gloves creaked with the clenching of his fists, his booted footsteps loud in the shattered room as he left.

He stomped through the corridors of his Star Destroyer, scattering shrinking Stormtroopers and hapless officers in his wake. Finally, Ben reached his private quarters, locking the door against the rest of the galaxy. He held on desperately to the sliver of Light within himself, the glimmer that Rey had found when she'd dared to look beyond his mask. She'd brought it back to the surface after all the years he'd tried to bury it, suffocate it—just as he'd tempted the shadowy core of her own Darkness to come forth, meeting his.

Sometimes his tortured conscience convinced him that he'd violated her, tarnishing her precious radiance with his selfish need to feel it shine upon his Dark soul. He coveted the affectionate glow of her Light caressing that within him which would never be redeemed—no matter how desperately he might long for it to be at times. But then, he would look at the way Rey's Light willingly bent before him when he exerted his will to dominate it and wonder.

If the Light could long for and so joyously welcome the embrace of the Dark, then what was the sanctimonious obsession with redemption for?

Releasing a heavy breath, Ben made himself let it go. He wasn't in the mood to attempt to untangle the ancient mystical disagreement between the two sides of the Force. Striding into the sitting area of his quarters, he finally released the catches on his mask and removed it, rubbing his face to soothe the skin over the bridge of his nose that chafed beneath the heavy metal. With a small surge of energy, he sent it over to rest on a table in the far corner, where he wouldn't have to look at it. As he unfastened his cloak and turned to toss it wearily over the back of a chair, something drew his eye.

Instantly, the oppressive dysphoria that had dragged at him lifted.

On the table in his small dining area, sat a deep bowl full of bright red fruit, freshly washed. Yes, Mitaka was proving himself quite competent when he wasn’t working on an ulcer.

Ben walked over eagerly, picking one of the apples up and turning it over in his hand, checking for bruises or other blemishes. With his mind, he stretched out with a whisper of the Force to sense for any adulterations that may have been added by those who'd dearly like to see their Supreme Leader’s rule come to an end.

Satisfied that the fruit was clean and free of anything harmful, Ben regarded his gift contemplatively. With a small lurch in the pit of his stomach, his mind strayed to the reason Rey was having to struggle with odd discomforts and cravings in the first place.

The baby. _Their_ baby.

Ben swallowed hard, closing his eyes briefly. His heart still tried to jump to lightspeed whenever his thoughts touched on the spark of life slumbering beneath Rey's heart.

_I never thought that I'd ever become a father…_

When he'd found that heart-stopping sense of connection with Rey, and then the fulfillment of joining himself with her in the most intimate of physical unions, he'd not seriously considered the possibility of what might happen as a result of their shared passion. And it _was_ shared. Not even the sainted Grand Master Skywalker would have been able to deny that what his nephew and Rey felt when their lovemaking sent star fire coursing through the Bond in a magnificent coalescence was a sacred communion between souls.

Whatever might be suspected of him as a Dark Sider, Ben hadn't sought to trap Rey or ruin her chances of becoming a Jedi by seducing her, regardless of his thoughts on the matter. Though the first time he'd made love to her had been impulsive and unplanned, he'd been careful to feel for the hard nodule beneath the skin on the back of her arm when he'd kissed her that second night. Wisely, she'd thought to spare them the difficulties of unexpected complications as they learned one another and explored the relationship that had almost been lost to them through misunderstanding and foolish pride. Ben had felt a rush of relief and pressed on to claim the nirvana of becoming Rey's lover without concern.

The Force had other plans for them it would seem, however.

It terrified him, but he also felt an unexpected hope stir to life inside his heart.

Ben knew that no one would ever—could ever—mean more to him than Rey. This child, though, this creation forged from his love for his Force-mate, was something he'd fight the whole galaxy to protect. She'd seen it in him herself. When Rey had told him her news, she'd looked into Ben and found something that neither of them had expected to be there, buried in his heart. It had surprised him that he would feel this absolute resolve to defend and preserve what he and Rey had brought into being without intention, both between one another and through the conception of their child…a family.

He felt his lips tremble at the revelation that, for all that both he and Rey had been denied the security and affection of the families they'd come from, they had a chance to create something better. Ben knew that she would love the baby with all her heart. She was scared and unprepared, true, but Rey was the strongest person he'd ever known, and her capacity for love was boundless. He just hoped that he could match that wealth of care in some small measure.

The apple gleamed beneath the harsh artificial lighting, a vivid contrast to the stark black walls and sterile white panels of his quarters—his world. Without Rey and the promise of the future their child represented, he felt trapped within this colorless existence.

But not forever, he vowed.

So, Ben would wait. He'd watch out for her, stocking his supply depots with things to ease the difficulties of her pregnancy, and subtly directing First Order strikes away from where her star shone out in the depths of space. He'd help however he could, and Ben would continue to love Rey, looking to the day that he would not have to do so from so great a distance.

Yet, he thought with the beginnings of the soft smile she had teased out of him along with his Light, there were ways to find one another now, even from across the stars. 

He hadn’t planned it to be tonight, but Ben’s need to hold his Force-mate in his arms was just too strong to resist now. Setting the fruit back down and straightening his shoulders, he closed his eyes. He reached out towards the lodestar that never failed to steady him, guiding his steps unerringly along the path that led back to her.

_**Rey?**_ Ben called out through the lightyears, reaching for the mind that he knew would welcome the touch of his with a sweetness he'd never thought to be worthy of, making room beside her as though she'd merely been waiting for him to return.

To return home.

_**Ben!** _

He smiled fully, his face relaxing into the broad stretch as his lips curved upwards at the sound of her voice. Only she could make him this happy with just a syllable—the name he'd hated for so many years, of all things. She was slowly, determinedly persuading him to abandon his cynicism. Rey was teaching him to believe again.

_**Are you alone, Sweetheart?** _

She reached out to draw his mind closer, pulling him into the tender embrace of her own. Unexpectedly, the faintest flicker of another’s touch followed her and brushed against their joined awareness in drowsy welcome. Ben felt Rey smile as he caught his breath.

**_Never. And neither are you._ **

**Author's Note:**

> We finally got to hear from Ben! We get a lot of his thoughts via Rey and what she picks up through their Bond, but it's refreshing to get his take directly, no? To tell you true, the further we went along in ASTOS, the more I felt we needed to give Ben a chance to say something. I may have also dropped one or two itty bitty hints/clues about some things that might have been sources of curiosity for those keeping up with the story.
> 
> Giving a shout-out to **DoodleBopMom** ~ I hope you enjoyed this little bit of a change-up!
> 
> **BTS Ramblings…**
> 
> **The Supreme Leader's (Odd) Bidding:** : This little chit-chat with Mitaka was for you, **resolute_mandament**. Thank you so very much for your supportive words at a difficult time ~ it meant a great deal, truly. I hope you enjoyed seeing poor Mitaka have to work on the Supreme Leader's odd requests, as you'd imagined back in Ch. 9. ♥
> 
>  **Where's The Smut?!:** I know, I know. No sweet frickety-frack this time. I apologize. I promise to feed you all in the next official chapter, however. Cross my heart!
> 
>  **From A Certain Point Of View:** I LOVE writing Ben's POV, and I'd kind of forgotten how much after spending so much time in Rey's head. Now, because the story has been told from Rey's perspective to this point, I just want to put it out there that she and Ben view things differently in a lot of cases. If you heard some things from Ben that seem to disregard or contradict what we've heard from Rey … that's intended! Ben's very much struggling with himself, even now, despite how far he's come since finding balance with Rey. You don't just wake up one morning and leave all your traumas behind. There are things that will linger, and some that will just never disappear or even fade. Remember also that he hasn't renounced the Dark Side, nor does he intend to ~ effectively, he CAN'T, when it comes to the dynamics of the Dyad in this story (so far as we know). It raises some tantalizing questions, doesn't it?
> 
>  **Ben's Experience:** Yes, I realize I've fudged things a bit in order to make space for Ben to have acquired sexual experience. Did he really have the opportunity? Eh. Who knows. I've written him as experienced in ASTOS, however, so I gave him a chance to share his own thoughts on the situation.
> 
>  **It's A Bit On The Short Side:** Yeah, it is. Sorry, friends. I actually had to toss out something I'd meant to work into this, but I just couldn't make it fit within the word count requirements for the collection this is part of. It was a monumental effort, but I was going to give Ben the spotlight even if it darn near broke me to keep it short.


End file.
